Warning
If you get emotional easily, I would suggest you don't read this. Some moments I describe on here were some of my lowest moments.
Kindergarten
I have always wanted to make games ever since Kindergarten. I would grab one of my notebooks and start drawing up games. My first console was a Wii and I got it around this time. When I turned it one for the first time, it was the start of who I am now. Every month, we had a packet in school and there was always a question about ourselves that we would have to answer. Almost every response I wrote down was related to my Wii and how I wanted to make games for Nintendo. Almost all of my notebook games were related to my Hot Wheels. I would actually cheat the game by making myself win every race. It boosted my confidence I guess...
1st Grade
Just about everything was the same. However, we began to find out I stuttered more than my peers. I never really noticed or cared, but it would later become worse as time progressed.
4th Grade
Before, I never really knew anyone else that was in my grade since you stayed in your classroom during the entire day, besides lunch and recess. I never tried to talk to people outside of my classroom. 4th grade was different. We now had rotations. Now, I was able to really get to know all of my peers. I ended up meeting all of my current friends that year and we have been friends ever since. Everyone had an iPod by then and my one friends discovered a new game, Minecraft Pocket Edition. If I never met him, I probably would have never discovered Minecraft (until it became very popular). No one knew what the heck he was talking about. All of us though it was some sort of mind game (we didn't know the spelling of it at that time). He then showed us the game, and boy were we hooked. My friend and I, we started making YouTube videos. I stuttered pretty frequent in the videos, but I still had a blast.
5th & 6th Grade
I was still playing Minecraft and making videos on YouTube. Though my stuttering was the worst during these years. I also began to develop eczema and hives. We would go to the Doctor's and no one would know what was going on. I was a mystery. Some nights, I would think about all of these things and get so upset over them, knowing that no one knew what was wrong with me and that there was no way to get rid of my stuttering, my eczema, or my hives forever. Those nights were the times I felt the lowest in. My parents would try to make me feel better, but it didn't do anything. I would try to talk to them, but it would make me feel even worse because I would stutter again. But I still had my video games. Video games were a way for me to escape the problems I was facing. Video games allowed me to ignore all of those problems and have fun without thinking about any of that. I continued to make YouTube videos, even with my stuttering, which boosted my confidence and even helped my stuttering. I was slowly able to talk to my family and my friends more fluently than ever. Before, every other word I would get stuck on. One simple sentence would take me one minute or more to get out. I started taking programming more seriously then ever and eventually made my very first video game and shared it to my grade. Almost everyone was so impressed, inspiring me to make more games and keep moving forward.
High School / Today
I still stutter and have my skin conditions, but I've realized that I shouldn't dwell over it. However, I can still get those moments where that's all I can think about. My stuttering is now almost non-existent, but now speech blocks have took over. Speech blocks are when you try to say something, but it feels as though you can't get anything out. The best way of explaining it would be as though a bully in school who is taller than you has a grasp of your voice and dangles it over your head. Anytime you jump and reach out for it, the "bully" just raises it higher above you so you can't reach it. Sometimes there are no speech blocks during a conversation, others will have one every other second. It's like a roller coaster. Then, with there being more work than I've ever had before in High School, that too can build up my stress and lead to the low moments. But, videos games feel like they will always be something I do as it has helped me take my mind away from both my "mysteries" and the anxiety of other things. However, I'm always thankful that I live in a smaller community. Most if not everyone in the community understands my struggle and doesn't use them as a way to bring me down. They're often supportive and most of them can't even notice it anymore. To my family, friends, and community, thank you for always being there.
If you read through all of this, I would like to thank you too.